Stories- Toy Shop

The shop is called Novel Delights for Good Children and whenever people come in they ask my why and all I can say is I don’t know because I didn’t name it that, and I know papa didn’t either. I just call it the shop usually, when I call it anything.

Right now I’m standing near the window (but not too close so that the people don’t see me) and watching the rain fall on the pedestrians (which means people who walk). The water is cold, like my coffee which is over on the till. I hope none of the people come in, but if they do I think I’ll be scared. No I’ll be brave. I will. Maybe if I put the toys outside the shop people could take them without ever coming in, and I’ll never have to see Ruth or Harlequin or the Black-Man or any of the others ever again, but I think papa tried that once and all I know is that he never did it again.

Soon I’m going to need to go the Convenience Store again and I’m scared, even though its only next door because everything is so new and shiny like my new Microwave Oven and its full of people, and when I go outside the two laughing witches from the Indies who live in the flat across the road shall see me and then I’ll have to avoid the cracks in the road like the plague or they shall catch me and cook me into a curry. And in the Convenience Store are more people than I have ever seen before and whenever I go in they all stare at me with their horrible eyes and then they Whisper. There were never any shops like that when papa was alive. I think. Lots and lots of people walk To and From the Convenience Store every day and they go past my window and I pray and pray that they don’t come in, and sometimes I hide the window with dolls so they can’t see me. I have tried changing the opening times so that I can hide in my room (which is at the back of the shop) most of the day and only open Very Late at Night when no-one will come in. I have tried doing this twice but last time the Ladies and Gentlemen who live in the Doll’s House were angry and I had to trap them in a cardboard box and tape it shut or else they would have killed me. I have forgotten what happened the first time, deliberately.

It is nearly time to close and then I can lock myself in my room and sleep or read the paper ( I still sleep on the camp bed because the big bed is papas and I hope that one day Ruth will let him come back, but I am scared that if he does come back he might be angry at me for all the bad things that I have done and there will be so many that he will chastise me so severely I will have to hide under the bed while he talks to the police). I can’t accept Uncle Quentin’s Television Set because if I do Ruth will watch it with her little brown eyes and find out even more than She already knows (which is everything) and I will never ever be able to kill her. I’m sorry I said that. I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry Ruth. I am.

“Are you open?”

She’s smiling. She’s laughing at me. She’s looking at me. Yes I know its dark. Please don’t look at me like that. I don’t see like that. I need glasses. She’s still looking at me so I am stammering but I have told her that yes, we are open (who is we?) and I don’t know why the light is not on ( it stopped working one day after papa died- maybe it was sad). She says she likes the posters, but I don’t because they are about barbers who kill people and people dressed like harlequin and cough medicine that tastes horrible. No! She wants to buy the car set but she can’t because its mine and Harold who drives the blue ford is my only friend. No you can’t buy that, it’s too expensive. Yes it is very old. All the toys here are. No, please come back. Look, the dolls are nice. Is it? She says it’s a present for her goddaughter ( I don’t know what it is but maybe it’s like Jesus our Saviour who is God’s Only Begotten Son). Yes, if it’s a girl that’s good because girls like dolls but boys don’t. Boys can’t play with dolls. Look at this one. Isn’t She nice. Please buy it. No it’s not too expensive. Look at it! Please buy it please oh please oh please. Oh no Ruth is angry because I shouldn’t try to sell her again and She’s looking at me with her little brown eyes (like an Angel's) that see everything and tonight She will not say anything so loudly that I will not be able to sleep. She never sleeps and just watches me and sits there with her brown eyes and blue dress and brown hair (real hair from a real girl). She’s older than me and older than papa and older than the shop and they say her name is Ruth but I think She’s the devil. You bad boy, says papa, look what you made me do to you. Don’t cry. Babies cry. If you cry I’ll tell Ruth. Yes you bad boy. Ruth will send the Black-Man to hurt you. What’s that Ruth? Ruth says She’s going to hurt you. Shut up. Shut up if you don’t shut up Ruth will kill you. But Papa is scared of Ruth too I know because he cries when he’s asleep and says No Ruth No and he cries for Mama! Papa! But I don’t know why because his name is Papa so that is a Conundrum as Uncle Quentin sometimes says. Uncle Quentin doesn’t own the shop because he’s younger than Papa and only the oldest one can own it. Uncle Quentin gives me things. When I was small he gave me mint humbugs and sherbet but now he gives me things like Microwave Ovens and Television Sets, but I can’t accept Television Sets because of Ruth. I tried to kill her in my new Microwave Oven but She can’t die so She just sat there turning and turning and going dark like the Black-Man and losing her hair until I could see the tiny holes in her head and She made me cry and burned me and so I had to give her a hat so that people will still maybe buy her. Spiders live in the holes in her head and leave webs all over the shop so that I am scared and She sends them out at night when I’m asleep and they try to crawl into my mouth and kill me.

Now the lady has gone, and its good and bad because
1) she won’t look at me anymore
but
2) Ruth is angry at me and oh God She’s smiling like She always does only worse and Harlequin who sits next to her with his shiny white skin and eyes and black hat and velvet mask is telling her how bad I have been ( even though She already knows because She knows everything) and I am very very scared. And I have knocked over the marbles and they are all over the floor tripping me up and all over the floor there are eyes looking at me.



	toy shop
	toy shop	2001

	The shop is called Novel Delights for Good Children and whenever people come in they ask my why and all I can say is I don’t know because I didn’t name it that, and I know papa didn’t either. I just call it the shop usually, when I call it anything. Right now I’m standing near the window (but not too close so that the people don’t see me) and watching the rain fall on the pedestrians (which means people who walk). The water is cold, like my coffee which is over on the till. I hope none of the people come in, but if they do I think I’ll be scared. No I’ll be brave. I will. Maybe if I put the toys outside the shop people could take them without ever coming in, and I’ll never have to see Ruth or Harlequin or the Black-Man or any of the others ever again, but I think papa tried that once and all I know is that he never did it again. Soon I’m going to need to go the Convenience Store again and I’m scared, even though its only next door because everything is so new and shiny like my new Microwave Oven and its full of people, and when I go outside the two laughing witches from the Indies who live in the flat across the road shall see me and then I’ll have to avoid the cracks in the road like the plague or they shall catch me and cook me into a curry. And in the Convenience Store are more people than I have ever seen before and whenever I go in they all stare at me with their horrible eyes and then they Whisper. There were never any shops like that when papa was alive. I think. Lots and lots of people walk To and From the Convenience Store every day and they go past my window and I pray and pray that they don’t come in, and sometimes I hide the window with dolls so they can’t see me. I have tried changing the opening times so that I can hide in my room (which is at the back of the shop) most of the day and only open Very Late at Night when no-one will come in. I have tried doing this twice but last time the Ladies and Gentlemen who live in the Doll’s House were angry and I had to trap them in a cardboard box and tape it shut or else they would have killed me. I have forgotten what happened the first time, deliberately. It is nearly time to close and then I can lock myself in my room and sleep or read the paper ( I still sleep on the camp bed because the big bed is papas and I hope that one day Ruth will let him come back, but I am scared that if he does come back he might be angry at me for all the bad things that I have done and there will be so many that he will chastise me so severely I will have to hide under the bed while he talks to the police). I can’t accept Uncle Quentin’s Television Set because if I do Ruth will watch it with her little brown eyes and find out even more than She already knows (which is everything) and I will never ever be able to kill her. I’m sorry I said that. I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry Ruth. I am. “Are you open?” She’s smiling. She’s laughing at me. She’s looking at me. Yes I know its dark. Please don’t look at me like that. I don’t see like that. I need glasses. She’s still looking at me so I am stammering but I have told her that yes, we are open (who is we?) and I don’t know why the light is not on ( it stopped working one day after papa died- maybe it was sad). She says she likes the posters, but I don’t because they are about barbers who kill people and people dressed like harlequin and cough medicine that tastes horrible. No! She wants to buy the car set but she can’t because its mine and Harold who drives the blue ford is my only friend. No you can’t buy that, it’s too expensive. Yes it is very old. All the toys here are. No, please come back. Look, the dolls are nice. Is it? She says it’s a present for her goddaughter ( I don’t know what it is but maybe it’s like Jesus our Saviour who is God’s Only Begotten Son). Yes, if it’s a girl that’s good because girls like dolls but boys don’t. Boys can’t play with dolls. Look at this one. Isn’t She nice. Please buy it. No it’s not too expensive. Look at it! Please buy it please oh please oh please. Oh no Ruth is angry because I shouldn’t try to sell her again and She’s looking at me with her little brown eyes (like an Angel's) that see everything and tonight She will not say anything so loudly that I will not be able to sleep. She never sleeps and just watches me and sits there with her brown eyes and blue dress and brown hair (real hair from a real girl). She’s older than me and older than papa and older than the shop and they say her name is Ruth but I think She’s the devil. You bad boy, says papa, look what you made me do to you. Don’t cry. Babies cry. If you cry I’ll tell Ruth. Yes you bad boy. Ruth will send the Black-Man to hurt you. What’s that Ruth? Ruth says She’s going to hurt you. Shut up. Shut up if you don’t shut up Ruth will kill you. But Papa is scared of Ruth too I know because he cries when he’s asleep and says No Ruth No and he cries for Mama! Papa! But I don’t know why because his name is Papa so that is a Conundrum as Uncle Quentin sometimes says. Uncle Quentin doesn’t own the shop because he’s younger than Papa and only the oldest one can own it. Uncle Quentin gives me things. When I was small he gave me mint humbugs and sherbet but now he gives me things like Microwave Ovens and Television Sets, but I can’t accept Television Sets because of Ruth. I tried to kill her in my new Microwave Oven but She can’t die so She just sat there turning and turning and going dark like the Black-Man and losing her hair until I could see the tiny holes in her head and She made me cry and burned me and so I had to give her a hat so that people will still maybe buy her. Spiders live in the holes in her head and leave webs all over the shop so that I am scared and She sends them out at night when I’m asleep and they try to crawl into my mouth and kill me. Now the lady has gone, and its good and bad because 1) she won’t look at me anymore but 2) Ruth is angry at me and oh God She’s smiling like She always does only worse and Harlequin who sits next to her with his shiny white skin and eyes and black hat and velvet mask is telling her how bad I have been ( even though She already knows because She knows everything) and I am very very scared. And I have knocked over the marbles and they are all over the floor tripping me up and all over the floor there are eyes looking at me.

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